Sweetie,
Today was so lonely. We've never been apart for so long. I think of you all the time. My mind has spent a lot of time thinking of all the things we've done. I remember our first kiss (that's between us). I remember our first 4th of July at Jackson Hole and our first New Years Eve in Park City. Every memory is still holding. Those are great memories to recall during our time apart. I can't wait to see you this weekend. I like getting up early and getting you a breakfast bagel from Einstein's Bagels and a steamed milk with almond flavoring. Things like that are a delight. Simplicity is the answer to life. I hope I don't forget to get you whoppers and gum drops tomorrow. I caught word that you were craving those? Kinda funny...These kids are getting closer and closer. They are so good. We couldn't have asked for better children. At a time like this, you'd expect to see them more selfish and turn inward. Instead they've drawn closer to each other. They cuddle and sleep on the bed right next to each other. It's great! I get so proud. You would love it. I love our family. The kids really miss you as well. They cry for you in the middle of the night and ask if we can visit you. That's always a good sign. They love you so much and want to be with you and wish to see you all the time. So do I! I can't wait for little Boston to come. Already he's been a great asset to his sisters and to us as parents. We need to weather every storm and stay strong. Remember that life and death can never be the cause of division amongst the family we already have. May we always be grounded and patient as we endure the weeks to come. I fear the waters will get choppy. I am always here for you and will support you in all you do. Our thoughts and prayers are continually before you. We love you dearly. All of me loves all of you...
Lovingly, David
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Monday, July 7, 2008
Vitelliani # 2 (7/3/08)
Shelby,
July is here. Each day is a brighter day and each day renews my hope that much more. I miss you so much. The days grow long without you. Sunday night (June 29, 2008) when we left the Hospital, you must have heard the girls cry out for you. Nothing has ever been more dramatic and yet more heartfelt than that moment. I will never forget the day. I walked out holding both girls in my arms (exhausting) and as I shut the door to your room they began to cry out… “I love my Mommy”… “I love my Mommy”. Over and over they repeated the words as they cried for you comfort and love. They love you so much. A mother couldn’t have felt more loved. I do not exaggerate a word of it. The nurses all smiled and some even swelled up with tears as we walked by. Not one person was anger with their cries at midnight in the Hospital. I was heartbroken and proud. They cried the entire way home. Once we got home and crawled into bed, CaprÃs went right to sleep, missing Mom of course. Addie stayed up with me and wouldn’t go to sleep. I reproved her a few time before my frustrations got the best of me. I barked at her and she broke into tears. I was so confused. She is bearing the load upon her little shoulders so much and she wants to assist in everything. She is wonderful and full of love. I asked why she was crying and apologized and Addie going on 30 stated, “mommy asked me to help you and you’re not letting me.” Dad, “what are you trying to help me with?” Addie, “you won’t turn off the TV and go to bed and we need to get up early in the morning and get ready. We need a good night sleep for tomorrow.” I was speechless as only I could be. These little ones bring the greatest of joy. At times I cannot fathom the reality that they belong to me. Only a mother like you could bring such happy children to this life. I am so pleased in all they do. They are so funny and curious. They remind me of you and your happy taste for simple things. Occasionally I hear their little giggle around the house and I can’t help but think of you and that dimpled smile. We are lucky. To raise one of these girls would be the pleasure of any Dad and now we have a third on the way. Don’t worry about the girls. The will be provided for and they are loved. Boston will be strong. At times it seems this is all but a reflection of a prior arrangement. There is no way to be sure, of course, but it feels comforting and I like the feeling. We must make the best of our situation and bring light to a darkened situation. I am resolute that our situation can be a great blessing to us and our children if we remain true to each other and exhaust every resource. Knowledge has a great propensity to cast out fear and bring peace. We will make this our aim. I love you sweetheart. All of me loves all of you. Your beloved—David
July is here. Each day is a brighter day and each day renews my hope that much more. I miss you so much. The days grow long without you. Sunday night (June 29, 2008) when we left the Hospital, you must have heard the girls cry out for you. Nothing has ever been more dramatic and yet more heartfelt than that moment. I will never forget the day. I walked out holding both girls in my arms (exhausting) and as I shut the door to your room they began to cry out… “I love my Mommy”… “I love my Mommy”. Over and over they repeated the words as they cried for you comfort and love. They love you so much. A mother couldn’t have felt more loved. I do not exaggerate a word of it. The nurses all smiled and some even swelled up with tears as we walked by. Not one person was anger with their cries at midnight in the Hospital. I was heartbroken and proud. They cried the entire way home. Once we got home and crawled into bed, CaprÃs went right to sleep, missing Mom of course. Addie stayed up with me and wouldn’t go to sleep. I reproved her a few time before my frustrations got the best of me. I barked at her and she broke into tears. I was so confused. She is bearing the load upon her little shoulders so much and she wants to assist in everything. She is wonderful and full of love. I asked why she was crying and apologized and Addie going on 30 stated, “mommy asked me to help you and you’re not letting me.” Dad, “what are you trying to help me with?” Addie, “you won’t turn off the TV and go to bed and we need to get up early in the morning and get ready. We need a good night sleep for tomorrow.” I was speechless as only I could be. These little ones bring the greatest of joy. At times I cannot fathom the reality that they belong to me. Only a mother like you could bring such happy children to this life. I am so pleased in all they do. They are so funny and curious. They remind me of you and your happy taste for simple things. Occasionally I hear their little giggle around the house and I can’t help but think of you and that dimpled smile. We are lucky. To raise one of these girls would be the pleasure of any Dad and now we have a third on the way. Don’t worry about the girls. The will be provided for and they are loved. Boston will be strong. At times it seems this is all but a reflection of a prior arrangement. There is no way to be sure, of course, but it feels comforting and I like the feeling. We must make the best of our situation and bring light to a darkened situation. I am resolute that our situation can be a great blessing to us and our children if we remain true to each other and exhaust every resource. Knowledge has a great propensity to cast out fear and bring peace. We will make this our aim. I love you sweetheart. All of me loves all of you. Your beloved—David
Vitelliani # 1 (7/1/08)
My dearest love,
We have weathered 4 weeks and 4 days together now. We are separated now and things are harder than they have been due to our separation. I apologize that our situation has become more grim with the possibility of your having gestational diabetes. I know this saddens you greatly as well as the fact that Boston’s heart rate keeps spiking indicating undue stress. Our journey is not an easy one, but our children, if anything, are the delight of our eye and we will sacrifice all for them and their well-being. Is there ever a more noble cause to pursue than the happiness and growth of our children? There could be nothing that makes my heart swell more with vigor and emotion than to fight unceasingly for the life and well-being of our first boy. He is already so much like our other children in the womb…feisty, active, and distinct in his gestures. It seems as though I can relate a little bit of the both of us to his activity as we watch him on the ultrasound. Amazing! Life surely begins in the womb, but as you know, I am most sympathetic to medical terminations and the decisions that families, parents, and mothers must make as it pertains to the quality of life and termination. The assumptions are endless as the mind sorts through the decisions and tries to apply reason and logic to abstract facts. I do not wish to tread through those grounds again, but for our child I will do anything. Life is so bleak and yet so magnificent. If I could take an ounce of truth from this situation I would state that life is the most magnificent of all systems. Not because of the suffering, but as a result of it. The law of opposites grants unto the man the great divide of fortune and fame or misery and despair. Such opposite can cripple a man at the cross roads, but the fact of that choice is present and can be owned is the most sublime grandeurs of thought. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are the choicest of words put forth as mans inalienable rights. Rights to partake in, rights always present in life. I have grasped at the thought that every moment, every choice can seized upon to elevate ones present status. The choice, the power is within all of us and ever present. Hope is the helium of choice and fear the gravity of what might be.
I miss you so much in the quite of the night. I wonder what you are thinking and what is racing through your mind. I know the heart grows fonder with the distance between, but fond hearts have no need of time and distance—only the constant connection that gives life. I miss your smile in the morning, the noise of the children, and their little voices eager to partake in the new day. We have created this sublime circle and I cannot seem to find the spark when my circle is without my own. A day with you is like morning sunshine on my face and at night you are the graceful and constant star in the north. Warmth and guidance. These days I run on the frustration that nature has delivered me. I hope I can be of some good to my boy. He is such a fighter already—he’s a champ. Will my actions be a buffer and strength to him in this forsaken world? And will he always know that ALL my children are the apple of my eye? My prayers have grown dim and my will to act vibrant. These days I feel I am a Deist. The Lord of host, in his wisdom allows for nature to run its course and man to act upon his whims. I will not resort any longer to the notion that I am to accept the death of my child or feel that I am to allow the any misfortune to come upon him. I feel as the Gods before men of all ages, whom rightfully stood up and acted on the moment and turned fate upside down. A man can always to good in any situation, but he must search it out within himself. In these silent moments we find the grit and the will of man to better ones lives and those around him. Some men will draw a circle around themselves, others their families, and yet some men will encompass a great many people and be a mighty star unto them. I will no longer repose the will within me. The time has come for those who can…to stand up and to be a banner to others. I have seen enough suffering in this world to know that many men can do a great evil and that one man can change countless lives and change the minds of man. The fervor I feel can no longer observe the atrocities of choice. As I reflect upon my childhood and recall the great people I have associated with, I can only conclude that my life is of great importance. So much sacrifice, so many teachings, so much care, so much love from so many people. People have provided me so much and I have acted with such frail ambition. Gravity has resisted me enough and our family. We must rise up and be more. Fresno has always been a beacon of strength, a staff of correction, and an anthem to all that is good. I must expand upon those days and make them count a more sure measure to life. I promise you Shelby that our lives will be counted for good, our story will be told, and we will be a buoy to those who have fallen behind and lost the glimmer of life. Everyone should experience a childhood like mine and all should enjoy the company of friends like those from Fresno, California.
We have weathered 4 weeks and 4 days together now. We are separated now and things are harder than they have been due to our separation. I apologize that our situation has become more grim with the possibility of your having gestational diabetes. I know this saddens you greatly as well as the fact that Boston’s heart rate keeps spiking indicating undue stress. Our journey is not an easy one, but our children, if anything, are the delight of our eye and we will sacrifice all for them and their well-being. Is there ever a more noble cause to pursue than the happiness and growth of our children? There could be nothing that makes my heart swell more with vigor and emotion than to fight unceasingly for the life and well-being of our first boy. He is already so much like our other children in the womb…feisty, active, and distinct in his gestures. It seems as though I can relate a little bit of the both of us to his activity as we watch him on the ultrasound. Amazing! Life surely begins in the womb, but as you know, I am most sympathetic to medical terminations and the decisions that families, parents, and mothers must make as it pertains to the quality of life and termination. The assumptions are endless as the mind sorts through the decisions and tries to apply reason and logic to abstract facts. I do not wish to tread through those grounds again, but for our child I will do anything. Life is so bleak and yet so magnificent. If I could take an ounce of truth from this situation I would state that life is the most magnificent of all systems. Not because of the suffering, but as a result of it. The law of opposites grants unto the man the great divide of fortune and fame or misery and despair. Such opposite can cripple a man at the cross roads, but the fact of that choice is present and can be owned is the most sublime grandeurs of thought. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are the choicest of words put forth as mans inalienable rights. Rights to partake in, rights always present in life. I have grasped at the thought that every moment, every choice can seized upon to elevate ones present status. The choice, the power is within all of us and ever present. Hope is the helium of choice and fear the gravity of what might be.
I miss you so much in the quite of the night. I wonder what you are thinking and what is racing through your mind. I know the heart grows fonder with the distance between, but fond hearts have no need of time and distance—only the constant connection that gives life. I miss your smile in the morning, the noise of the children, and their little voices eager to partake in the new day. We have created this sublime circle and I cannot seem to find the spark when my circle is without my own. A day with you is like morning sunshine on my face and at night you are the graceful and constant star in the north. Warmth and guidance. These days I run on the frustration that nature has delivered me. I hope I can be of some good to my boy. He is such a fighter already—he’s a champ. Will my actions be a buffer and strength to him in this forsaken world? And will he always know that ALL my children are the apple of my eye? My prayers have grown dim and my will to act vibrant. These days I feel I am a Deist. The Lord of host, in his wisdom allows for nature to run its course and man to act upon his whims. I will not resort any longer to the notion that I am to accept the death of my child or feel that I am to allow the any misfortune to come upon him. I feel as the Gods before men of all ages, whom rightfully stood up and acted on the moment and turned fate upside down. A man can always to good in any situation, but he must search it out within himself. In these silent moments we find the grit and the will of man to better ones lives and those around him. Some men will draw a circle around themselves, others their families, and yet some men will encompass a great many people and be a mighty star unto them. I will no longer repose the will within me. The time has come for those who can…to stand up and to be a banner to others. I have seen enough suffering in this world to know that many men can do a great evil and that one man can change countless lives and change the minds of man. The fervor I feel can no longer observe the atrocities of choice. As I reflect upon my childhood and recall the great people I have associated with, I can only conclude that my life is of great importance. So much sacrifice, so many teachings, so much care, so much love from so many people. People have provided me so much and I have acted with such frail ambition. Gravity has resisted me enough and our family. We must rise up and be more. Fresno has always been a beacon of strength, a staff of correction, and an anthem to all that is good. I must expand upon those days and make them count a more sure measure to life. I promise you Shelby that our lives will be counted for good, our story will be told, and we will be a buoy to those who have fallen behind and lost the glimmer of life. Everyone should experience a childhood like mine and all should enjoy the company of friends like those from Fresno, California.
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BORN STRONG FOUNDATION
The BORN STRONG FOUNDATION website will be up before the end of July. We appreciate all the support. If anyone would like to order wristbands I will ship them to you. The cost per wristband is $3.00 and the money goes to the foundation. Checks can be made out to Born Strong Foundation.